What is the Problem with Books?

Books. One of the worst physical items on the planet...and illegal to possess. But why are these books so dangerous some people might ask? Well, there are many reasons... First of all, some recent discovery by the theologist Fredrickson McJiggles shows that books were most likely, centuries ago, made by Satan himself. This break through shows how evil books are even though on the outside they look harmless, their ideas and thoughts on the inside are very dangerous to all of mankind. Books can give people extremist ideas too, and in some cases can injure someones personality or make them go insane. Sometimes they make fun of other races like in Uncle Tom's Cabin and other books. A long time ago, these created so much violence between countries, religions, and ethnic groups that the end of the world was almost at hand. If books did this hundreds of years ago, it can do it today. In order to destroy books and all their Satanic qualities, the Government has selected a group of heroes, known as the Fahrenheit 451: real firemen. There are some rumours that long ago, fires used to be put out by firemen and they were called"firefighters". This is real nonsense because firemen have always started fires from the beginning of time and were originally called firestarters of arsonists. Anyone who thinks otherwise is truly foolish because the government wouldn't lie to its people. If anyone is caught reading or caught possessing a book, the firemen will show up to their house and burn it down! Sometimes, the person caught with books are thrown along in the fire too.  If their not, its a long fun ride to the County Jail. SO if you see anyone with books or that you suspect has books, call the local firehouse immediately. Books are bad and are Satanic forces upon this earth and they must be BURNED!

New Audi A16 Hits Dealerships

Audi released its new model car this past week: the Audi A16.  This car is equipped with full auto pilot and is capable of speeds of greater than Mach 2 and in Flight Mode can reach altitudes of up to 200,000 ft.  This car also comes with changable digital interior which can black out the windows and portray a three dimentional picture all around you as you rest on the way to your destination.  Installed in the dashboard is an automated bartender and cook who will make you your favorite food or beverage.  Also, you can feel free to visit your family anytime with satelite connectivity!  Audi also released a statement that their next model, the A17, will be able to compact and fit in your pocket after use, storing most of the matter in the fourth dimension.